Victoria presents us with what seems like a plea to never have to write a blog post again. You decide…
It’s now dark and I have written four pages worth of dribble that will most likely stay tucked away in my Spiral Notebook Of Doom. The rule is that anything can be written in the Spiral Notebook Of Doom but only the coherent thoughts are allowed to make it onto a computer screen. (Someone besides me should be evaluating this.) They say practice makes perfect though, so here is page five.
Below are the five reasons why I scribbled and then typed this and why you should give it a go too. The previous sentence is an avant-garde take on the proverbial chicken or egg bit and this sentence is an homage to Dave Eggers.
1. Because you actually have a pen in your hand.
Face it, this is a pretty rare occasion and it should be taken advantage of. What should you write about? Kittens? Your piece of shit car? Fish and Chips? Kony 2012? Oh wait… no one that would actually spend the time to read a hand written letter cares to read about these things. Maybe you should be typing this.
2. Because you haven’t updated your blog in a long time.
You forgot that you had a blog because Twitter is such an instantly gratifying experience. At least it used to be. Now you’re becoming tired of it and feeling held back by its character restriction. The fact you can only use one hundred forty characters is annoying too.
3. Because you shouldn’t vent about people in your life through passive-aggressive Facebook posts.
Don’t bother mentioning names. They’ll know who they are.
4. Because you need to master your use of hyperbole.
This is the most important point made in this post. If you do not heed its warning, you will die a horrible social media death. It will be the worst and you will wish you had never been born.
5. Because you read a blog that said writing this will only take you twenty minutes and you know you can prove it wrong.
It will take you four hours to write this. Most of that time will be taken up by letting the cat play with your pen, worrying about how much the repairs on your car are going to cost, eating fish and chips, and wondering how to make this blog post a viral sensation.
Below is the one reason why I wrote this blog post.
1. I should be writing a different and better one for work.*
*…and because “procrastination” is probably not a word you can play in Words With Friends.